Yeah, I do too.
In a lot of ways lately, God has been bringing me back to "the basics." He's been teaching me how to trust Him, thank Him in all circumstances...and how to love.
Love...it's the mechanism that gives us the full life, the kind of life we all want. And yet...it's so hard. Simple, really, but tough.
For me I struggle with loving when there's no guarantee that I'll be loved back. Like when you make effort to meet someone for coffee and they just don't show up. Or you make yourself vulnerable, lay bare your imperfections and feel subtly pushed away. In those situations, I want to close up, back away, hide my heart from hurt. But as C.S. Lewis wrote, “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken." It's impossible to open up your heart to love and keep it locked up safe away from pain. Plus, it's selfish.
After all, didn't Christ put His heart on the line for us? He knew He was going to be mocked, spat upon, betrayed, and abandoned....and yet He threw Himself whole-heartedly into a life of loving people. Yes, people who would turn from Him in disgust, falsely accuse Him, and eventually kill Him.
So how can I shake my head and turn away from the life He has called me to? I may feel like I'm foolishly placing my heart in the line of fire, but the truth is, He's holding it with cupped hands. No doubt I will experience pain along the way, but He won't let me go and He will always love me.
"...And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." -Ephesians 3:17-19