Oh Lord, You have given me so many ways to learn! As I sit in classes, You speak to me. As I go through life, You bring people along my path to walk beside me, teach me, listen to me, inspire, encourage, and pray for me. Every circumstance, season, and situation is an opportunity for growth - to see You in a new way. I am amazed. I am so loved and blessed by You.
When I just think of Pat (our church organist/pianist) and her impact on me, I'm floored. Little did I know when I was looking for summer lessons that I would find such a mentor, encourager, and friend. She has taught me so much more than technique. Just in who she is, she inspires me. Her spirit is gracious, at rest, beautiful, giving, thoughtful, joyful, loving. This, Lord, is what You envisioned when You created music. To come at it from a place of rest and a desire to give. This is where true music happens. This is where beauty grows.
Lord, You are teaching me to bring my whole self. Not strive to "perform" - serve up only a polished, small, constrained version of who I think I should be - but come with all I am, with all my mistakes, and weaknesses, and inadequacies and trust that You will make it beautiful. In that freedom I choose to give myself, I can offer that same freedom to my students and my audience. I can give them permission to create, to explore, to also bring their whole selves. I'm not just here to get in and get out. I'm here to invest in people.
Lord, You are shaking up the very foundations of my false identity. You are teaching me so much through music and college group and teaching and so much more. You're teaching me to celebrate grace, to receive grace so I can also give it.
If I decide I must present myself only a certain way when I perform, I make myself a smaller and smaller person. I become obsessed about external, earthly things (like not hitting any wrong notes) and I bring death to myself and all those around me. I am held responsible for the results of my fear. I "teach" not just by what I say, but how I live. If I say one thing but live another, I am a hypocrite and my words will hold no substance. My relationship with You must affect every part of my life - every thought, every word, every detail, every decision, every conversation. The way that I approach music has to glorify You or else there's a huge chunk of my life that only glorifies myself. I have to think about how I practice - there is an immense opportunity to grow closer to You in the practice room.
What You are teaching me is in direct contradiction with what the world, our culture, my flesh tells me. I need courage to live by these convictions You've given me. In courage, humility, and love, let me be found in You. I only answer to You. If I obey You and stay in constant communication with You, I will be able to truly honor and love people. I am afraid of people being against me or leaving me, but if I am with You, I am never alone.
I can thank You for every single person You have brought into my life. From the person who has encouraged me the most to the person who has discouraged me, from the person who has loved me the best to the person who has hurt me the most - because You have taught me something about Yourself through them all. And they are all Your children.
In Your grace, You show me that I need grace. Grow me in the knowledge of Your grace.