I don't know how coherent this post will be since I have so many thoughts running through my mind, but I've got to share about what God's been doing in me lately or I think I might burst with joy. :)
Over the past few weeks, I've had a lot of big things going on in my life. I'm preparing for my senior recital, looking towards graduation, and making decisions that are thrusting me out of my comfort zone. At times, I've been flat-out scared. But in the midst of all this, God has been leaning in close and captivating me with one amazing truth: I am His beloved.
It began when I read this excerpt from The Only Necessary Thing by Henri Nouwen: "Jesus could walk faithfully through life. He was praised and he was criticized, he was admired and he was despised; he was asked to be king and he was crucified...The devil said: You have to prove you are the Beloved. Change stone to bread or jump from the temple and the angels will catch you - get some power and influence.' Jesus said: 'I don't have to prove I am the Beloved; I am already.'"
So this phrase has been echoing in my mind ever since: I am already His beloved. Already meaning since before time began, God loved me. Already meaning before anyone lifted me up or tore me down, He loved me. Already meaning before I did anything for good or evil, He chose to love me. No earthly, tangible, or temporary event can ever alter the fact that He calls me His own.
And lately as I have begun to live in this God-given identity, I have been changed...my relationships have changed...even my music has changed. For instance, I was sitting in class the other night and God started speaking to me about my belovedness. I was grinning like crazy...and then my professor started going off on some worldview stuff that is in direct conflict with what I believe. And you know what? I looked at him and (in my head) said: "I can love you. You can say these things against Christianity and against what I believe, but because I know God loves me this much (me, really??), I can extend that same love to you." Wow. And then something amazing happened with my music, too. I've been growing over the past months, realizing that my identity is not found in how well I perform. That because I am loved, I can love people through my music. It's so freeing...I have the freedom to fail. So yesterday morning, I practiced in the concert hall where my recital will take place and my teacher (who isn't a Christian) came to listen in and act as a sounding board. She heard me play the first piece on my program and could sense something was different. She asked what had changed and I replied (rather hesitantly) that it's a spiritual thing for me. And guess what? She agreed. She said that that's what it sounded like. Whoa.
I could add so much more to this post, but for now I'll leave you with a couple thoughts:
-Your identity is a gift. We all try to earn our identities by working hard enough or being good enough. Often we try to find our identity in school, work, relationships with other people, etc. But what if all you really need to know is how much He loves you? That since He already chose you before you were born, you can now live in freedom and joy, loving people with that same love?
-For me, I've found that nothing roots me in His love more than spending time just with Him. About a month ago, He convicted me that I had been neglecting to set that time as a priority during the week. I would often just do it to get it done and most the time, I would come with a list of prayer requests (i.e., a list of things I demanded He do for me). But I'm learning to come with the desire just to be with Him and let Him grow me. And as I sink deeper into His love, I am changed and I approach the rest of my day differently.
I want to end with this (read it slowly and receive it into yourself)... from God to you... "My favor comes to rest on you. My blessing finds its home in you. My Love was tailor-made for you. You are My child. You are My beloved."