Then I was reminded of a little occurrence a few days ago at school: I was walking toward the music building at Sac State and the guy in front of me looked behind himself, and when he saw I was coming toward the same door, held it open and stood aside to let me through. It was a small gesture, but I was impressed by his intentional thoughtfulness for other people.
I've often been saddened by the fact that some women deem it derogatory when men do for them what they could do for themselves. There's a prevailing bitterness that says, you think I'm not strong enough to take care of myself?
But tonight I had the thought that this is just a symptom of what we all struggle with: a spirit of pride. Somehow we think that if we can do something by ourselves, we should and no one had better try to help us because that would mean they think we're "weak."
I would also venture to say that while we often stress the sacrifice of giving a gift, we don't emphasize enough the humility to receive a gift. When we could work hard for something (whether it's material or something abstract like an ability) and achieve it, it feels unnatural to simply accept it without even repaying the giver. I've found myself weighing the cost and formality of my thanks (such as in the form of a card or a gift back) to try and figure out if it measures up to the gift I received. But that's not what it's about. We are challenged to just accept the gift and that requires humility.
A few weeks ago, I read an article that includes the story of a marriage in which the woman is older than the man.
Liz describes herself as the typical strong-minded first-born child, used to taking care of herself. Occasionally, she is tempted by the thought, "You're older. You can do this." But in marriage, she says, it's not about who can do what best; it's about taking your right role. God has the roles really well laid out, and when you do it, it really works.*
At different points in all our relationships we must take the role of "receiver." We must let ourselves be vulnerable and "needy" in a certain sense so that we can be truly, sacrificially loved. Will we have the humility to receive the gift?
*http://www.boundless.org/relationships/2009/dont-mind-the-gap-part-2