I really don't know if he's "the one." I don't even know if he thinks of me "in that way." But I do know that I am amazed how God has used this thing, this time of waiting and so many unknowns, to grow me.
Usually when I like someone, I move through stages of attraction and infatuation, desperately hoping he'll notice me, then becoming totally bummed when he doesn't.
This time it's been different, Not that that proves anything...only the goodness of God.
It's been different in these ways: As I've wrestled with what I'm thinking and feeling, I have felt truly convicted and inspired to treat him and other guys in my life as my brothers in Christ. Okay, that sounds like a stale, churchy idea... Well, basically I mean that I want to do all I can to build up guys in Christ, caring enough for their spiritual well-being so that my mindset determines how I approach my relationships with them.
Also, my desire for what kind of partner I hope for has changed. In the past, I've fixated on marrying a guy who's two to three years older than me, knows all the right things to say, and is strikingly handsome. In other words, a guy who's perfect in somewhat unimportant ways. I'm convicted that I've been looking for a boyfriend/husband to be my savior, my perfection on earth. Wow, what pressure to put on someone! What an unfair standard! (After all, in case ya didn't know, I'm not perfect...surprise!)
And finally, I'm starting to look at marriage not as a point of "arrival" (thinking once I'm there, I'll have all joy and security), but as part of a process which will help sanctify both people. Because really, we all have only one true Home (heaven) and only one true Love (Jesus). I don't want my husband to be perfect for me and I certainly can't be perfect for my husband...I guess I just want Jesus to take our two flawed selves and make us perfect for Him.
All this is to say that God's doing wondrous things in me (inspite of me). There are times, oh so many times, that I want to lean back, take the easy road, and try to figure out everything on my own. Then I end up all tangled up in worry and I come running back to Him, realizing He is and always has been the Author of my life story. I'm just so glad right now that He's taking this season that could be filled with so much fear, and creating something breathtaking and beautiful from it. It's made other struggles in my life easier, just looking at this and seeing that He is good and knows what He's doing.
So there: I've just shared a bit of my journey in hopes it will encourage you in yours. I guess this post is not so much about a guy, but about a God who loves to surprise us with His goodness. Ah, so much JOY.
"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing , that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." -Romans 15:13 (emphasis mine)